A Measure of Inadequacy

How do we measure that which we consider fulfilling, in comparison to what we find inadequate? There is, of course, no universal answer. However, I find that many individual's judge according to what they find inadequate everyday, and when someone does not meet this quota, it is made known. Honestly, carrying on a facade for the world is exhausting and impossible. No one can really be completely adequate for anyone else, sometimes not even for themselves. Too much to think about, if you ask me. But perhaps enough to consider.

Christmas is a funny little holiday. I love it too much. I find that when its over, I get sad for some reason. Taking down all the decorations, feeling just a little bit older knowing next year I'll probably get a vacuum cleaner, wondering how many more Christmases I will spend in this area or will be able to spend with my immediate and extended family; the works essentially. It is a little overwhelming, but needless to say, I seem to digest it and get on with my life. I think its the spring semester. I can never seem to look forward to walking across a freezing cold campus for three months. Go figure?

Some individual's find repetition to be comfortable. I have been one of these individual's for quite some time, but lately, I've found consistency to be of the boring, dreary nature. I feel I've been riding on a train, the same scenery, same stop, same well wishes and let downs, for a long time. I want to do things spur of the moment, make weird decisions, and be okay with it. Perhaps I'm going through a mid-life crisis or something? Either that, or I'm on the brink of some odd change. Change is quite intimidating and scary, however, its necessary and I'm coming to terms with that. I think having a good friend deciding to move to Vietnam for a year has given me some well-to-do inspiration. Thanks, Jackie. I'm running with it.

Speaking of spur of the moment decisions, I'm really craving a trip somewhere. I don't know where exactly, however, I really don't know how I'm going to compete with the last two. Florida two years ago, and California the year before, all on money that I most definitely didn't have to spend. However, the experience was always worth it. I really would like to go out east, New York mostly, but anywhere out of Iowa (with no snow) will be much appreciated. Wishful thinking, I know, but I like it. :)

Sassy and Classy.

It's been awhile. However, I think I can speak for myself when I say this past semester prevented me from wanting to do any outside writing. At all. Period. I am completely convinced that all of my analysis and research papers combined (one of which, was 35 pages) could be made into a small novel. Mind you, I wouldn't recommend reading it. However, grades are coming here in a few short days, lets hope to christ on a cracker that all of that writing paid off. I have half a notion to bind all of them up, and take them with me to job interviews as an accessory, instead of a coach purse or a small dog, I'll carry my Communication Analysis papers. Sassy and classy. Take that, world.

Speaking of school, the registrar just had the nerve to email me and say, "The following class has been dropped for the upcoming Spring 2011 semester." Which translates to, "It sucks to be you, 431055, but good luck with your life!" It was the only Spanish class that I could fit into my schedule, and of course, it ends up being removed because of the low amount of interest. I don't understand. I just want to graduate...why must this be so difficult. I could have graduated this coming May, but I decided to keep my Spanish minor and graduate in the Fall. This of course, is superbly failing.

On the upside, it's Christmastime! I do love Christmas, even though I have to water 234098745983745987234 poinsettia's and hear just as many versions of Santa Baby, I still manage to love it just the same every year. The gift-giving thing, though. That's always tough. I love it, but it is a pain really to find anything that anyone really wants. Hattie and I just bought our own purses and said they were from each other. Christmas purse! Honestly, one of my favorite parts of Christmas is watching A Charlie Brown Christmas with my Dad. I don't think that movie will ever get old.

So many people around me are doing productive things. Getting engaged. Having babies. Moving to Nam. (JACKIE) It makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing, and why I feel so...unaccomplished. I don't really know what I'm going to do once I graduate, but I sure hope it's something worth doing, something that I can be proud to call my own. I don't expect this awesome prospect to come along right after I graduate (I'm not that daft) I just hope, in time with hard work and a good word that I can find something I love. For the record, I am intimidated by those around me who are seizing opportunities, especially if it means loosing them for a time. However, I know that inspiration needs to come from somewhere. Needless to say, I get by with a little help from my friends.

Have a Happy Christmas all. You stay sassy.

And classy, if you want to.