I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

Life is funny. Sometimes, in fact, it's downright hilarious. The idea that an event, a place, a person, or any moment in someone's past can haunt them or hurt them one minute, and seem comical years later is rather scary. I suppose having the ability to laugh at one's own mistakes is a necessity to getting on with life when it's not so funny, when its barely tolerable even. However, the idea of it seems naive. "Someday, we'll look back on this and laugh." God, for my sake, I sure hope so. Honestly, some situations at the time seem nearly impossible to laugh at. Maybe its all an attempt to make our lives seem a little better, even if just for a moment.

Summer gives a lot of space for thought. It's when I usually decide what to throw myself into that perhaps I've neglected during the school year. Among those are usually writing, cardio, reading, and films. Tapping into these places again is refreshing, and I'm glad to do it. I haven't been able to write in so long, with the exception of the occasional blog post or two. I think its a much greater and significant part of myself than I care to admit. Without it, I'm a little less me and a little more of the facade I play so well. I believe I've gotten better at dismissing said facade, but nothing is fixed overnight. And so, I carry on.

On another note, I'm a sad little lobster. Quite burnt, in many unfavorable places. Ah, the sufferings of a pale Swiss, Irish, German girl. I've got no genes for tanning, only burning. I suspect I've had it worse. In fact, today I recalled this situation with Bree, when Jackie and I were burnt so bad at a water-park before going to a Cubs game. When will I learn. I suppose I've been burned in other ways as well, and each time I wonder if it was worth it. Life isn't meant to be spent in a house in front of a television, though I do enjoy those days occasionally. Such a weird metaphor this has turned out to be, but nevertheless, I think I'll still have my days in the sun, even if they disagree with me every now and again.

Harry Potter. Less than a month. CAN'T. WAIT. I do believe its the highlight of my year, and I'm not even joking. I think the last installment will live up to expectations, as well as it can. Nothing will ever trump the books, in my opinion, but thusfar, for the most part, the films have been agreeable and somewhat true to the original story. I enjoy the occasional line verbatim from the text. I think the greatest will be in the the last film, with Molly Weasley's "Not my daughter, you bitch!" Apparently, there was a lot of controversy with the line being able to be said, because of the fans being diverse in age. It was overruled however, and I look forward to Molly being a BAMF. On a side note, I have seen Green Lantern, Thor, and X-men First Class. Of the three, Thor was my favorite. (Astonishingly so!) I didn't know what to expect. Green Lantern was great as well, and X-men had James McAvoy...so there you go. And just so I can cram as much nerd into this paragraph as possible, Power Rangers episodes are now available on Netflix Instant. Yeah. Oh, happy day.

With work and such, I'm staying somewhat busy, but things are very different in a summer without a musical. Thinking about the school year scares me a bit though. Its going to be a difficult one. Finishing my Spanish minor, and gearing up for ACTF in the Spring. A little intense. I'm not at all ready to go back yet, but I am missing some people from the department quite a bit. Wishing the summer away is not my intent, however, and so until then I will make the best of what I have here.

Face the Music

I've recently discovered something. Perhaps its because I like to think I overanalyze everything and find it impossible to miss ridiculous details about life, but alas, I do, and I have. And fortunately enough, I've found time to understand this realization of sorts because I'm done with school (for now) and just tonight I wrapped up the second production of the semester. I believe I find comfort in a full schedule, because being alone with my thoughts can sometimes be dangerous. Everyone has to face their own music sometime, and ladies and gents, I suppose this is me facing mine.

Loving theatre is like a second nature, really. I tried to ween myself off of the program during my junior year at UNI, but something was always missing. I took classes to fill the gap, pretended having free nights was a great bonus, and talked myself out of recollecting. This past semester, being part of two productions gave me gusto that I missed and dearly needed after months of nothing. I think theatre is like my drug of choice. 1) Coffee 2) Theatre 3) Men who play instruments. To be clear, my realization is I can't live without it and have done a poor job pretending that I can.

I consistently hear that having a degree in Theatre proves difficult in finding a job. Well, quack quack, I've been looking for a job that PAYS mind you (the one that did offer failed to mention that) and this economy sucks so hard I doubt having a degree in Super Fucking Awesome at Everything would help at this point. I have interview number four tomorrow, and lets hope something comes of it. At the end of the day, its a means to an end and unfortunately money takes center stage with the big beaming spotlight and standing ovation. Sit down, people. It's not that great.

Tonight, I was involved in a production (Willy Wonka Jr.) with members from the community and adults with varying mentally handicapped disabilities. Gosh, if there is a cast that loved doing a show more than these folks, I would be surprised. I felt so honored and humbled to be a part of something so great, and on a stage like the Gallagher I considered myself one lucky gal. The house ended up being around 1,250 people. It just goes to show what theatre can do.

Summer is upon us. I never feel like Summer is legit. Probably because the first week or so, I'm just in a solid coma-fest mcgee and find myself disoriented. I'm not complaining. Just trying to figure out what my days and nights will be devoted to. Moving back home is not intriguing after living in Cedar Falls for four years, but alas, money again has dominated the picture. I just hope one day, its worth it all. Some people just want to be content. I can appreciate that. I want something more.